What if I was to tell you that you are so right, and absolutely wrong at the same time? What if you are constantly being screwed over, but not by them…. by YOU. What if you have never been screwed over by anyone? What if everyone has always treated you well? What if YOU are the one who keeps screwing yourself. Over and over. What if you actually like it, but refuse to acknowledge that you really like it. What if you secretly get a kick out of “getting screwed over” repeatedly? What if “Getting Screwed Over.” Is how you keep yourself a victim and force others to pay attention to you? What if that is your way of controlling people?
Before you go crazy and start yelling at your screen, let’s stop and think about this. There is no such thing as a “good event” or a “bad event.” Everything is neutral. UNTIL, that is, YOU put a story and meaning behind the event. If that is the case, then YOU are the one who creates the feelings you feel about something.
Did you know that there are people who come out of hostage situations with little more than an amazing adventure story they can tell their friends? They have fun recalling the adventure they experienced, and how they survived. There are also people who come out of that same event psychologically damaged for life. There was a man who lost his lower leg in a shark attack in Hawaii. That man, while still in his hospital bed, was happy and planning his return to the surfing world.
What kind of person are you? Are you the one who is already planning on your next surf trip, or are you the one who is psychologically damaged for life after something that isn’t really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things? Be honest with yourself here.
If you are complaining about getting screwed over and over again, chances are you are the latter. So what are you getting out of it? What is it about constantly being a victim that works for you? Do you like the attention you get from people when you tell them your tragic tale? Do you secretly enjoy the fact that you can control everyone and the conversation by pulling out your “trump” card any time things start getting a little uncomfortable? Is it easier to keep pointing the finger at everyone else than it is to take a long hard look at yourself, and your own choices?
The reality is that people are who they are. They will always act in their own self-interest, PERIOD. Sometimes that means they will take care of you, sometimes it does not. But either way they will project their actions way ahead of time. If you are pay attention at all they will tell you exactly who they are, and how they will act. Since that is true, you are more than capable of seeing what someone will choose way before the actual choice is made. The problem is that you would rather blame and hate them, instead of asking yourself why you ignored the signs.
To be fair, not being a victim takes work. It takes a lot of self-reflection which most people are not willing to do. It means acknowledging that YOU have given up control of your life because you are lazy. Yep, lazy. You chose to sit back and do nothing, then blame everyone and everything rather than make a change.
Are you ready to empower yourself and start having only amazing experiences? Are you ready to only, and always look at yourself and your choices? Are you ready to change your story to one of empowerment? If you said yes, try it out on your most recent “screwing.” What role did you play? What did you ignore? What story did you attach to the event that made you the victim, rather than the one who chose powerfully, regardless of outcome? What benefit have you been getting from playing the victim there? How is it making your life better? Is there an alternative story line?
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